If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize