Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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