he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
