my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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