he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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