Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize