census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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