it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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