I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
