and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
