Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
