I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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