You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
