I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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