Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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