I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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