She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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