weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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