We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize