I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
