cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
