Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
