I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize