I heard we made out
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
