I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
