MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
