Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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