That's when you crack a 10am beer
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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