meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
