Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
