I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
