I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
