shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think I sprained my soul last night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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