So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
