We won't sleep together?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
