ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
