I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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