i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
