just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
