i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well I just put wine in my tea
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
