omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
