My Higher Power is John Stamos
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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