Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
