Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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