so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
