is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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