I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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