I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
