I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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