my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
