i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
