Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it because I queefed?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize