Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
