I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
