New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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