I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize