i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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