I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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