are you still at the devil's house?
More tranny stories later!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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