Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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