I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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