Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
