You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
