we made out on top of his cat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
