she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
