Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
