It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
