Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
