woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
