all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
