you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
