I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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