Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
