That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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