Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
