He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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