omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ttyl tear gas
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
