I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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