I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
